Punch-ing The Canucks To The Top

In an attempt to one-up the Oil's signing of Grandpa Pat Quinn as coach, the Canucks announced today that Yogi Bear and the entire coaching staff has been fired. In a bold move and in line with its apeing of Habs legend Bill Durnan and naming Roberto Luongo captain, the Nux have decided to go super retro.

GM Mike Gillis woke from his comatose state to declare, "Because of our good luck plucking gems off the Make Beliefs such as Mats Sunbeam and Kyle Fatwood, we are delving into that team's Allan Stanley Cup legacy and bringing some punch to our lineup."

Yes, the new head coach of the Canucks is Punch Imlach's fedora. The fedora will float above the bench all powerful and all knowing to direct the troops to Stanley Cup victory. To entertain fans it will also mispronounce Kevin Bieksa's name as Bieska as a Laff tribute to the Bob Cole Drinking Game and to Frank "Mahalovitch."

More Powerful Than a Paper Bag

Other factions within the organization were hoping to get some serious Roger Neilson white towel crossmarketing going by naming as assistant coach the infamous paper bag that Harold Ballard tried to get Captain Video to wear. Sadly, it lacks a certain ring-a-ding-ding quality and for best results, the fedora always works alone as it did in the Original Six era.

No word yet on whether Pyramid Power will be employed on Canuck sticks to increase goal output in 2009/10.

Too Little Too Late

At least the Nux gave it the old college try but this all could have been avoided if this attack at will game plan was instituted in Game 4.

There has been much gnashing of teeth over Roberto Luongo's play but both goalies in this series were average at best. Luongo's .879 save pct for the series vs. Nikolai Khabibulin's .873 pretty much shows that goaltending was not what turned this series. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chicago ventilated Bobby Lu for seven goals in Game 6 but the overrated one was playing lousy the entire series. This is also now the second time in two playoff years in which #1 has blown a deciding game in rd. 2. History does repeat itself as the old adage goes.

Also, you'd think a so-called world-class goalie who worshipped at the altar of Grant Fuhr would be a cooler (Chicoutimi?) cucumber in a run-and-gun game. Obviously he's not, as his constant complaining to the officials about being run shows Luongo still has not embraced his dark side. Learn from the master (and holder of four Stanley Cup rings), you want players to stop running you, channel Billy Smith. In the long run, it will pay off, Luuuuuu.

Would someone also point out to our forwards when they break a stick, race to the bench and get another stick or get off. Ditto the defensemen or at least forwards, hand the D-man without a stick a stick.

Certainly, if you step back a bit and look at Game 6 and see what an exciting game it was, that should be the style of play we see the Nux adopt for '09/10. If Luongo is anywhere close to the worth of his contract and rep, the Nux could be headed for Chicago-like glory in 2010, by playing this sort of uptempo game. It certainly beats watching the death by 15-shots-a game style as we saw in Game 4.

The question is will coach Yogi Bear throw caution to the wind or fall back on his usual rope-a-dope tendencies as he did in that infamous Game 4? As a fan of actual hockey (you know, the game where teams skate, pass, hit and shoot) I'm pleading with him, let the players play and stop coaching out their creativity. Mistake-free hockey is a myth perpetrated by coaches like Ken Hitchcock and Jacques Lemaire. It's not soccer on ice so let's see some more 7-5 games next season.

Lastly, would it kill GM Mike Gillis to show some emotion when the camera pans to you after the Canucks score? At least ex-Canuck and current Blackhawks GM Dale Tallon looked like he was into the game. Patience is one thing in building a team but for those two to three hours, how about acting like a fan? Maybe then you can understand how we "fans" feel when we watch this team you put together run us through the emotional ringer minute by minute in a playoff game.

Mr. Mike showing off his Canuck fervor

Anyway, two seasons ago the Nux finished 8th overall and lost in rd. 2. This season the team was 7th overall and again lost in rd. 2. So to those who feel it's been a successful season, the Nux are basically right back where they were two seasons ago after missing the playoffs in '07/08--no better, no worse.

Let's just move on and enjoy the real hockey being played by the Caps and Pens in the East and push for an old WHL-like best-of-9 format next season should these two meet up again.

Plan the Funeral Route?

To the timid goes none of the spoils. Game 6 comes down to that. If the Canucks continue to be outshot and if Roberto Luongo does not step up and prove he is this supposed second coming of Patrick Roy and Dominik Hasek all rolled into one, then we can all start planning the funeral route.

All the Nux really have to do is skate better, get to the loose pucks and get more shots on the man the media think has returned to his '04 Cup winning form. Yes, the Bulin Wall's save pct. of .875 in this series seems as good as his .933 save pct. with the '04 'Ning.

Just another goal in the Wall

Anyhoo, sounds like a simple game plan but executing it may be beyond the Nux.

One major problem is getting to loose pucks requires speed and younger players tend to be speedier and healthier. On that score, the Hawks are miles ahead.

Look at the Hawks doing major damage in this series and their respective ages:
Dave Bolland 22 years old
Andrew Ladd 23
Dustin Byfuglien 24
Patrick Kane 20

It gets worse as you look at the backline:
The oldest regular is Brian Campbell at 29 while the main pairing of Duncan Keith, 25, and Brent Seabrook, 24, are spring chickens compared to the 32-year-old Willie Mitchell and those two other seniors in Mathias Ohlund and Sami Salo.

Not that being an ageist is warranted but remember the Nux D-men over 30 are not named Nicklas Lidstrom, Chris Pronger or Scott Niedermayer.