Belieb In Your Teams

Oh, just in time for the NBA Finals (is there more than one Final?) comes Justin Bieber and his appearance courtside in Miami for Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Final (yeah, I'm sticking with the singular now). I'm sure the entire globe has seen The Biebs in all his glory. If not, here he is for your scrutiny.

 

Yo, dat's da way u drink wadder, bay-bee

We'll leave the fashionistas to critique his headgear that suggests he might be channeling the Great Gazoo, the Mr. T starter kit and the leather shirt and pants (say, didn't Mr. Leather Pants himself Jim Morrison have a relationship with Miami as well?). The real buzz that has hit the sports fan is exactly what team(s) does this short lesbian icon frontrunner bandwagoneer actually root for? Thank you guyism.com for this indelible Biebs' cap collage.

 Why must I choose only one when there are so many to enjoy?

Of course, no one expects any celeb looking to score prime seats to expand his fan base even wider than was thought humanly possible to actually care about sports so . . . why the comedic gold mining?

Well, as The Sports Guy Bill Simmons got on his soapbox and pointed out there are a few rules about sports team allegiances. Read the whole article here. The crux of the argument is apparently you're pretty much married for life to whatever team you first become attached to in any sport and cannot get a divorce or even sleep around with another team UNLESS that team moves and leaves you heartbroken first.

Yes, even a marriage contract apparently has more loopholes than this one.

Now applying that fave sports team contractual logic (and it is logical to most sports fans despite the fact we're basically cheering for laundry year after year as the song may remain the same but the players, coaches, management and owners sure don't while the laundry may even change for the worse) to other realms it makes about as much sense as the Biebs' sartorial choices--a San Francisco Giants cap with a Texas Rangers jacket? Oh, I see, he's got both major leagues covered.

Let's start with music. Say you're a teenager in the late '80s/early '90s and you fall in love with, say, Oasis. That's it. You better not buy any other bands' T-shirts, CDs (CDs? You mean those shiny coasters my dad has that apparently used to be vehicles to deliver music to our ears?) or see any other bands live unless they're backing up Oasis until Noel finally breaks it off with Liam.

Same with movies (or "fillums" if you prefer, Art). Let's say instead, you're a young whippersnapper in the late 1970s yet to discover punk rock. Along comes a small low-budget flick called Star Wars. You fall in love with the stylings of Mark Hammill. You best not be jumping ship and going to see Blade Runner a few years later with Han Solo in a futuristic trenchcoat. Nope, you've made your bed and now will get plenty of "joy" from Luke Skywalker's scintillating work through the decades.

What do I know? I'm still wearing Fred Perrys and Levi jeans, and it's 2013 although I do hope I've moved on musically and cinematically.

So why don't we all just embrace the Biebs's attitude in the 21st century. After all, look where loyalty gets Cub or Make Belief fans? Heck, look at America's Team now? The players can all be free agents, why can't we fans? You know the Biebs is probably ahead of the curve. It's no longer about what team we support in a deathlike grip until, well, death. It's about the Ws, my man, woman and child!

The New World was not created by loyally following what our Old World ancestors told us to do. It was formed by shifting alliances, pitting one tribe against another until the Earth was scorched so hipsters could tell us how we should live on it in this century.

So, ask not what "your" teams can do for you, ask yourself if the heartache of losing is worth any of it, Cleveland. Come on over to the Dark Leathery Upholstered Side of Team Bieber. Let the Biebs show us the way. Today the Miami Heat. Tomorrow maybe he takes a Riverwalk on the San Antonio Spurs' side.

To update what that great Metropolitan sports philosopher from the last century, Tug McGraw, said--Ya Gotta Belieb, baby, baby, baby.

Round 'Em Up!

Chicago Survivors vs. Lost Angles Can't Shoots

I heard Kelly Hrudey on Marek vs. Wyshynski (May 29th) actually say he thought the Los Angeles Kings could sweep the Chicago Blackhawks. He's probably not alone in that so many in the media seem to have lost the plot. Neither of the two Kings series so far have been (a) worth watching or (b) an indication that the El Lay Kings are actually any good at all. Oh, you enjoyed the way the Kings opened Game 7 at home vs. the San Jose Sharks but pouring all of 3 shots on net in the first and 4 on net in the third. This is a team that's going to sweep Chicago?

The worse thing is the Kings could actually win the Cup again and this time even more so thanks to having an insanely great goalie in Jonathan Quick. Once again, hockey is reduced to nothing more than--find a great goalie, skate and hit hard and score at least two goals a game . . . you too can go deep in the playoffs!

Hey, a little help offensively, please!

Sorry, if I prefer my blue collar hockey more Boston Bruins than LA Kings. I just do. I need actual action around the net not along the boards.

Let's break this Kings hype down. Not only are they scoring at an even slower rate than last year's playoffs through two rounds (2.0 goals per game in 2013 vs. 3.0 in 2012) but for all this "great" hitting they are supposedly doing, it's leading to virtually no offensive chances (24.1 shots per 60 minutes now vs. 28.5 last year) and Quick having to bail them out time and again. This is not your 2012 playoff Kings at all.
They had 30 shots on goal in all of one game out of the 13 they've played even with three of those going into overtime and one lasting over 13 minutes of OT. This is bad hockey period. End of story.

Nearly half of their games they've given up over 30 shots. This is Darryl Sutter hockey. Ride that Kiprusoff/Quick and hit everything in sight so you'll be so tired you can't even be bothered shooting the puck at the net (related philosophy see New York Rangers under Torts and replace hitting with shot blocking). That'll work and get you to the Final and even get you one Cup. Can it get a repeat Cup though when you have now played 13 games vs. just 9 through two rounds last season.

Plus the road warriors of 2012 are long gone. The Kings went 10W 1L on the road back then. This year they are 1W 5L on the road in the playoffs and have to start off in Chicago playing Games 1 and 2 on back-to-back nights this weekend. Good luck with that as this Blackhawk team has had their scare and should be raring to go in round three.  

So, yes, now that Blackhawk fans can breathe again, let's get real. Loads of eventual champions have to overcome being down in series be it 0-2 or 1-3. Do I really need to haul out the list? Unless you're the '70s Habs, you're going to have some tough series along the way to the Cup.

Also, enough with the Jonathan Toews not scoring. You do realize in the 2010 Final, he was the 11th leading scorer with just 3 assists vs. the Philadelphia Flyers? It's about "teams" not individuals otherwise where was Sidney Crosby in 2009? He was the Pittsburgh Penguins' 6th leading scorer with a paltry 3 points vs. the Detroit Red Wings in the Final.

So could we please turn off the panic mode every single playoff year and wake up to the fact, it comes down to matchups and sometimes best vs. best cancel each other out and it means your second, third or fourth best lines have to come through. That's playoff hockey since the days of Jean Beliveau.

Pittsburgh Iggy Want Cup vs. Boston Krugs

Since the Pens got their groove back once their goaltending situation got settled and the B's did the same once they pulled back from the brink in round one, round two was a cakewalk for both teams really.

Now how do these two match up? Well, judging from the two out of three regular season contests where Vokoun was in nets vs. Boston, he played very well with a .944 save percentage. The problem is the B's steamrolled the Pens offensively outshooting them 32-18 and 40-24 in both of those games.

Plus doesn't it seem to you that Boston is starting to look like that 2011 Cup team again? I mean, replace Tim Thomas with Tuukka Rask and Jaromir Jagr is Mark Recchi (maybe not points-wise yet but chance-wise Jagr is 4th on the team so far with 36 shots on goal) and really it's virtually the same team only maybe a bit hungrier to prove they can win it without Timmy.

The B's roll basically three lines who come at you in those swarming waves and their fourth line even won them a game last series vs. the New York Shotblockers. Zdeno Chara is basically a wall back on D. Even the injuries on the back end have not affected their team's D or offense.

What exactly is a Torey Krug anyway? 

Krug: (def'n) Divine Providence

Also, now that Sidney Crosby has been cleared to remove his jaw/chin guard, is he insane enough to do that when he has to play against this Big Bad Bruin now? 

Wake Me When The Pens-Hawks Final Starts

Pittsburgh Vokouns vs. Ottawa Craigers
As other Hasek-edly as Craig Anderson has played in the net for the Sens in round one (.946 save percentage), it's not the first time. He was terrific for the Colorado Avalanche with a .933 save percentage facing a '13 Leaf-like 39.1 shots per game in their 2010 first round loss in six games to the #1 seed San Jose Sharks. With his .941 save percentage during the regular season, let's just say the Sens (and Team USA with Jonathan Quick as well in the mix) are set in goal.

Having said that, don't dismiss Tomas Vokoun as a glorified backup. In that same 2009/10 season, the Czech netminder was arguably the best goalie in the NHL with a .925 save percentage facing a league high 33.8 shots a game. I'd love to say his playoff performance was as good that season but he was playing for the offensively challenged Florida Panthers who finished in 28th place in the overall standings.

Needless to say, Vokoun a year later left as a free agent for Washington. Was Holtby-ed out in the Caps' 2012 playoffs and didn't see any playoff action. Anyway, despite being 36 years old (or maybe because he's 36?) his time is now. He has been a very good netminder in the playoffs. It's just he hasn't actually been IN the playoffs all that much.
His NHL playoff totals to date are:
14 GP
.931 save percentage
32.2 shots against per game

I'll also add The Craiger has not been so hot vs. the firepower of the Pens. His record the last three seasons:
2 W 5L
.898 save percentage

Boston Comebacks vs. New York Lundqvists

Not to harp on goaltending (and shot blocking) but this series could set new levels of dullness not matched since the 2012 Caps-Rangers series. Although the Rangers since the trade deadline were scoring at a league-leading pace, their shutdown game given the Game 6 & 7 shutouts of the Capitals in the last round doesn't bode too well for Boston.

After all Boston had a field day averaging close to 40 shots a game vs. the hideously porous Leaf D who stayed alive until Game 7 mainly thanks to James Reimer.

That's not happening vs. the Rangers. One can only hope in all these games that the B's score first so we can see these teams go toe to toe.

Honestly, enough about goaltending. Let's talk about Derick Brassard being so good that Brad Richards was centering the fourth line by series end and the Rangers potted five in a Game 7. Maybe being in Columbus, Brassard got lost in the mediocrity but this is a former number six overall pick. Pro-rating his QMJHL stats over an 82-game season and he was a 118-point man in junior (218 points in 151 GP). His playoff stats in the Q were 39 points in 36 GP (and that's counting the zero he got in seven games his first season there).

Face facts, the guy was a steal even if Marian Gaborik went the other way. Brassard's 25. Gaborik's 31. Brassard makes his teammates better--end of story.

Chicago Are-We-There-Yets vs. Detroit Not-Dead-Yet Things

An old Snorris Division battle that most likely will see the most exciting hockey in round two even though it could be quick. After all, no matter how much you like the Wings, this is a very special Hawks team. Hopefully, they get what they deserve (a dinner with Al Secord?) for the season they've had.

Detroit beating a very good Ducks team in round one could be a last hurrah of the post-Lidstrom missed-out-on-Suter era. After all, when was the last time the Red Wings were the lower seed and won in the second round. Try never (as, well, usually they are the higher seed). Even in 2011 when the team came back from 0-3 down vs. the San Jose Sharks, they still lost Game 7 in one of the best series in recent Wings history.

Here's hoping we see a hammer-and-tong war of hits galore like the St. Louis-LA series with as many shots-a-go-go as the Boston-Toronto series.

San Jose Next Gen vs. LA Still Kings

Fans of the Sharks are probably saying finally all the pieces are coming together. the oldsters (Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau and Dan Boyle) are scoring as well as the youngsters (Joe Pavelski and Logan Couture). Their goaltending is reliable with Antti "I have a Cup!" Niemi. Brent Burns is finally playing the right position--power forward. (Since he played that in junior, why did that anti-hockey Jacques Lemaire have to mess that up after Burns got drafted by the Minnesota Wild? Where was the Byfuglien logic?).

Of course, all these pieces seem to be falling into place and the Sharks end up having to play the defending Darryl Sutters in round two with Jonathan Quick in Stanley Cup 2012 form.

San Jose just cannot win both literally and ironically.