Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Punch-ing The Canucks To The Top

In an attempt to one-up the Oil's signing of Grandpa Pat Quinn as coach, the Canucks announced today that Yogi Bear and the entire coaching staff has been fired. In a bold move and in line with its apeing of Habs legend Bill Durnan and naming Roberto Luongo captain, the Nux have decided to go super retro.

GM Mike Gillis woke from his comatose state to declare, "Because of our good luck plucking gems off the Make Beliefs such as Mats Sunbeam and Kyle Fatwood, we are delving into that team's Allan Stanley Cup legacy and bringing some punch to our lineup."

Yes, the new head coach of the Canucks is Punch Imlach's fedora. The fedora will float above the bench all powerful and all knowing to direct the troops to Stanley Cup victory. To entertain fans it will also mispronounce Kevin Bieksa's name as Bieska as a Laff tribute to the Bob Cole Drinking Game and to Frank "Mahalovitch."
More Powerful Than a Paper Bag

Other factions within the organization were hoping to get some serious Roger Neilson white towel crossmarketing going by naming as assistant coach the infamous paper bag that Harold Ballard tried to get Captain Video to wear. Sadly, it lacks a certain ring-a-ding-ding quality and for best results, the fedora always works alone as it did in the Original Six era.

No word yet on whether Pyramid Power will be employed on Canuck sticks to increase goal output in 2009/10.


1 comment:

The Crazy Newt said...

Dude. Awesome post. Very well put, and I laughed. I cried. I even pooed a little.

I'm linking to it.

'Nuff said.